Years and years ago, I used to write plays and sketches, all comedic. I mostly wrote to give myself something to act in or direct, and abandoned writing almost entirely when I started acting professionally.
Now, with a return to writing (albeit a different form), I’m revisiting some of my old theater pieces to see if anything is worthwhile. Most of it isn’t, but this made me laugh. It’s an unfinished piece – barely started, in fact. It’s just a few lines long. I probably wrote it twenty years ago, give or take. I have no memory of it whatsoever.
Membership Drive (A GAY MAN and a LESBIAN knock at a door. A MOTHER answers.) MOTHER Yes? GAY MAN Hi, we’re homosexuals. We’re here to recruit your children. MOTHER Oh, please, come in. (They all enter.) MOTHER Sit down, sit down. Can I get you anything to drink? LESBIAN No, thank you. We’re fine. MOTHER I’m glad you came by. I’ve been hearing a lot about this homosexual lifestyle. GAY MAN We’ve been getting a lot of press lately. LESBIAN Still, our numbers are down slightly this quarter, so we’re having a door-to-door membership drive. We’d like to tell you about some of the benefits homosexuality could bring to your children. MOTHER I’m all ears. GAY MAN How many children do you have, ma’am? MOTHER Little Billy is 10, and Janey is six and a half. They’re at school right now.
That’s it. That’s the whole thing. It’s pretty slight, but I really like how enthusiastic the mother is. I’m not sure where I would have gone with this, as I think that’s pretty much the only joke. Since this will never be finished, and it’s worth exactly one laugh, I thought I might as well share.
I. Love. This. I imagine the next beat would be her asking what an average day would be like and them pulling out a pamphlet of the Gay Agenda, which features a summer camp-esque itinerary of rainbow delights.
That’s hysterical. And I think Kate D. has the right idea. Have you thought of having your fans finish this, just the short visit, of course, and see what comes from your play? Some rules might be, nothing hurtful, nothing foul, and you get to screen for content, but not writing ability.
It may not be a good idea, I’m full of bad ones, LOL, but thought I would toss it in. All you can say is NO!
That’s a fun idea! Anyone should feel free to leave an ending right here in the comments. Any interest in trying it yourself?
Ah, shucks, thanks for the vote of confidence. : ) I might try it, but my writing is mainly Haiku and freeform poetry. I fear I’m not that good at either, LOL. I laughed more than once, BTW. When I get to feeling better, I’ll have to repost this and see if any of the creative people who follow me want to have a go. Good writing and great Blessings. Stubblytroll
How did I miss this when you first posted it? Hilarious!